Tag: Funke Egbemode

Intimate Affairs: Men give, women receive, by Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

Ola: Men are foolish, very foolish. Lola: Ah ah, what’s biting you? How can you just wake up and make such a blasphemous declaration? Ola: How did blasphemy come into this matter? You don’t even know what I’m talking about. Lola: I’m itching to find out, trust me. You, a man declaring that men, all men are fools. I’m a woman and I will not even say such a thing. You can call men overgrown babies. They love breasts and are never weaned from them. They love to be petted…

Men give, women receive, by Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

Ola: Men are foolish, very foolish. Lola: Ah ah, what’s biting you? How can you just wake up and make such a blasphemous declaration? Ola: How did blasphemy come into this matter? You don’t even know what I’m talking about. Lola: I’m itching to find out, trust me. You, a man declaring that men, all men are fools. I’m a woman and I will not even say such a thing. You can call men overgrown babies. They love breasts and are never weaned from them. They love to be petted…

Intimate Affairs: Stop stalking your man, by Funke Egbemode

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Nse has become a comic character in her husband’s office. Once she drives in through the gates, the staff, especially the girls, start making faces, calling one another’s attention to the arrival of ‘Madam Godzilla.’ ‘Mama is in the building, make some noise…’     ‘Who is the current champion?   ‘Or current prime suspect.     ‘Oga, needs protection.’       ‘What Oga needs is sense. He needs to find his wife a serious job.   ‘Or get her pregnant every year.’   Of course, the mocking is…

For Marriages that are still standing By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

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I don’t like parties. I don’t attend many and I find it very stressful organizing one. However, over the years, I have thought long and hard and concluded that there is one party that must hold every year. Wedding anniversaries. Yes, couples must celebrate themselves and God’s favour each year their marriage remains inta The most fun part of a marriage is the beginning, the wedding ceremony. Right from when you step out of the venue, the challenges start. And there are a dozen of them. Some years are easier…

For marriages that are still standing By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

I don’t like parties. I don’t attend many and I find it very stressful organizing one. However, over the years, I have thought long and hard and concluded that there is one party that must hold every year. Wedding anniversaries. Yes, couples must celebrate themselves and God’s favour each year their marriage remains intact.   The most fun part of a marriage is the beginning, the wedding ceremony. Right from when you step out of the venue, the challenges start. And there are a dozen of them. Some years are…

Before your child ‘blows’ By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

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It is easy to blame bad children, convenient to curse those who sell drugs to them or lure them into cults and gangs. But didn’t someone give birth to and raised them, all of them, cultists, gangsters and the victims? These plenty little demons giving us reason to do candle-light procession for our young ones, did they drop from the sky? How did things get this bad with our once pretty babies with fluffy curly hair and fat legs? How did our fine boys who gave us heart-melting wide toothless…

Unwise sacrifices ,by Funke Egbemode

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Patty was in pain, deep searing pain. She was not supposed to be in this place, end up at this sorry pass. She gave Alhaji her all, the relationship her everything. Relationship? Was what they had even worth calling a relationship because looking back from her balcony of grief, all she could see now was a one-winged flight that eventually crashed spectacularly. The pain wracking her body and soul was made worse by the feeling of foolishness. You know how you feel when you finally realised you’ve been used, had,…

He married the money,By Funke Egbemode

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Tunji – T.J for short- had always seen a bright future for himself in Nigeria. Not even SAPA could make him JAPA. He knew where he wanted to go and had a map even Google would be proud of, of how he’d get to his destination. So, while all his friends and peers were testing the waters of cybercrime and considering yahoo-plus and its gory gruesome details, T.J had his eyes peeled for how he’d move from his ‘near Lagos’ Boys Quarters’ apartment to Ikoyi, Lagos. Yes, you heard that…

Hurting and lonely hearts, by Funke Egbemode

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Efe and Dayo dated for three years and we all thought they were headed for the altar. The introduction ceremony had already taken place and we were already picking out colours of the day, at least in our heads. Then out of the blue, things fell apart. Dayo dumped her in the meanest way. He took her money, her pride and her love and jetted out to Canada with another woman. After three years of romance and scented candles. Efe tried to be strong, putting a fake smile on, like…

Food For The Gods, By Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

Kudi, fine-girl-no-pimples, was one of those undergraduates who lived their lives on their own terms on campus. Kay-girl, as she was fondly called, was an ‘aristo’ girl. Small-small boys were not her thing. She liked them known and rich, politicians and business tycoons. The age or size of their bellies did not matter. They just needed to be loaded in their pockets but if they were loaded ‘downstairs’ too, ah, that was an added advantage. Once, according to Kay-girl, she had ended up with a rich, fat ‘sugar daddy’ whose…