Do You Know Who I Am? The Honorebu Who Slapped The Law, By Niyi Osundare

The Honorebu’s first question

 

Was preceded with a very Honorebu slap

 

So loud his neighbours thought

 

It was a thunderclap

 

 

“Who are you, wretched driver;

 

What madness drove you

 

To disturb my Honorebu leisure

 

In the middle of an empty day?

 

In my Honorably acquired mansion

 

Where, between booze and boast,

 

I churn out the bills which beget those laws

 

That have turned Nigeria into a Paradise”

 

The second slap came with an imperial swagger:

 

“How dare you! Do you know who I am?”

 

Then a frightening combination of raw power and magic blustering:

 

“I will make you disappear, and nothing will happen”

 

King-size ego, consuming conceit

 

Vintage Lawmaker of a lawless Republic

 

Who “monkeys” the people and “rats” their worth

 

Standing so tall on the grave of assassinated dreams

 

So carefully curated

 

This poignant parable of Nigerian imuniti**

 

Its powerfool protagonist, its convoy of clowns

 

Who bluff and strut beneath their tinsel crowns

 

“Do you know who I am?”

 

The Honorebu asked his “stupid-idiot” driver

 

Challenging us, dear readers,

 

To read this poem and answer his question.

 

*Imuniti un-arrestability. A Yoruba coinage from a conflation of “immunity” and “impunity”

 

*For a peculiarly Nigerian meaning of this word, I recommend a quick journey to Honorebu, Akeem Lasisi’s rip-roaring video.

 

Niyi Osundare

 

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