“Yes Daddy” is a destructive cultural phenomenon that needs to be stopped in its tracks by well-meaning citizens, starting with diligent disciples in the church pews.
Spiritual fatherhood is not a title for ostentation and self-glorification; it is a responsibility that must be undertaken with humility and allegiance to the one Master of all – the Lord himself. And it is the one reason why the Lord warns: “do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven” (Matthew 23:9). It is not a denouncement of biological parents, but a repudiation of a “yes daddy” mentality that hampers spiritual growth, stifles intellectual freedom and ultimately retards cultural progress.
The leaked audio conversation of Peter Obi with Bishop Oyedepo has generated a lot of interests among Nigerian netizens. There are continuing suggestions that the audio is doctored, although a spokesperson of the Peter Obi campaign has confirmed its authenticity, while trying to bat away any suggestion of inappropriateness. For the most part, the reactions have been dominated by determined detractors and fierce loyalists of Peter Obi, generally shouting at each other from entrenched positions, as is often the case. Away from the entertaining dialogue of the deaf, spiced with a good deal of political theatre, I have an entirely different interest in the matter.
Perhaps you have not noticed it, but Mr Peter Obi is 61 years old. Bishop Oyedepo is 68. Both of them are accomplished leaders with high public profiles; Obi in business and politics; Oyedepo in religion and business. Even their most strident detractors will struggle to fault their impacts in the Nigerian public space.
There are differences between them, of course. The one that is of particular interest in this piece is the fact that Bishop Oyedepo is a faith leader. And I begin with an acknowledgement that there is something to be said for the merits of spiritual mentorship, and that this is not determined by age differences. In other words, a younger person can be a spiritual mentor to an older person. No problem with that. At any rate, in this case, Bishop Oyedepo is the older guy and presumed spiritual mentor.
Yet, when we set aside a possible political calculation that may have underpinned the act, there is something un-nerving about a 61-year-old addressing a 68-old as “Daddy”. My considered view is that it is unhealthy for both men, intellectually, but also spiritually, it must be stressed. It is detrimental to the quality of public intellection, and by extension, to public good. Let me explain.
A mentor, in the spiritual or professional domain, is one who guides and nurtures the talent of another. The mentor gives space for growth and helps the mentee to reach beyond perceived limitations in the exercise of his or her agency, into spheres of accomplishment and impact that are often outside and above the mentor’s own capabilities and expertise. A “yes daddy” mentality is inimical to this kind of personal growth and professional development. It is painfully suffocating and disabling, even if the victim lives in denial. A “yes daddy” mindset induces a person to a self-cossetting intellectual lethargy and arrested state of consciousness.
…make no mistake, because a “yes daddy” culture is socially constructed, often through the instrument of organised religion, the mechanisms of enforcement are strong and severe. A refusal to join a “yes daddy” bandwagon incurs dire social and practical consequences. Objectors are liable to be marked and thrown out as social outcasts, out of sync with the current of popular culture. It can become a dark place…
And make no mistake, because a “yes daddy” culture is socially constructed, often through the instrument of organised religion, the mechanisms of enforcement are strong and severe. A refusal to join a “yes daddy” bandwagon incurs dire social and practical consequences. Objectors are liable to be marked and thrown out as social outcasts, out of sync with the current of popular culture. It can become a dark place where, unless you happily embrace the tag of a disruptor, even the sane begins to question his or her own sanity, and the talented knowledge producers are pressured to commit intellectual suicide.
I was in a church at Ibadan, Nigeria, last Sunday. A good service overall, parts of which make me rather nostalgic. Yet, I was struck by some of the things the pastor was saying in a church that, when I was in the university, had a reputation of attracting serious minded disciples, who engaged the scriptures vigorously with their minds and souls. It was, for good measure, a church of professors, many of them occupying the highest offices in their respective faculties and departments.
There I was, and the pastor, among others, declared almost by fiat that there was “no therapy for depression”. I am sure there were a few professors of clinical psychology and psychiatry in that congregation, and I wondered whether their voices could also be heard among the choruses of “amen” to that declaration! There were also talks of witches flying by night, and an anecdotal reference to a man coming out of his house one day to find a dead bird fallen at his front door; a sign, the pastor said, that another witch had come to her sad end. It is one thing to assert the limitations of medical science, to which all scientists agree, but it is quite another to deny its efficacy outright, however limited.
But I was almost certain that no clinical psychologist in the audience would be having a conversation about the sermon with the pastor afterwards. You could sense a palpable fear of being thrown out, metaphorically speaking. That fear is keeping everyone in check.
The thing is: that sermon was almost unthinkable 28/29 years ago, when I was a student at the university and attended the church more than a few times. And yet we had pastors and leaders then who took their roles seriously and engaged diligently and deeply with the scriptures. We drew from their wells of wisdom, not by means of a “yes daddy” posture, but in the Berean spirit of diligent inquiry, humble seeking, unfettered by self-appointed “daddies” holding close the gates of knowledge, much like the pharisees. The Sunday School was, and remains, my favourite part of a Sunday service. I always relish the opportunities to ask questions, not merely for intellectual enrichment, but mainly for spiritual edification. And our leaders were generous in giving, and humble in receiving from we younger folks.
“Yes Daddy” is a destructive cultural phenomenon that needs to be stopped in its tracks by well-meaning citizens, starting with diligent disciples in the church pews. For the health of the Church, and for the good of society, please. Spiritual fatherhood is not a title for ostentation and self-glorification; it is a responsibility that must be undertaken with humility and allegiance to the one Master of all – the Lord himself. And it is the one reason why the Lord warns: “do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven” (Matthew 23:9). It is not a denouncement of biological parents, but a repudiation of a “yes daddy” mentality that hampers spiritual growth, stifles intellectual freedom and ultimately retards cultural progress.
Kolade is an Associate Professor of Entrepreneurship and International Development at Leicester Castle Business School, De Montfort University, Leicester UK.
