An arewa man is arguably the most difficult husband any woman can ever have. Doesn’t mean they aren’t great husbands, being difficult doesn’t equate to being a total failure, This write up is not intended to bash arewa men in general or stereotype them either, as ofcourse there are exceptions, but an average arewa man to be honest doesn’t give his wife her rights fully.
That’s why it bothers me so much when I see all these clueless women who tag themselves feminists, because to be honest, most of the time, they always miss the point, If only they fight for what they are supposed to fight for. All they go about doing is fighting for the impossible. A woman is allowed to fight for her right in Islam, feminism in my opinion is actually making them deviate from that. It’s another thing entirely.
It’s so funny that ever since the incident of The girl that murdered her husband, a lot of arewa men have been having a field day in bashing the women, the women might be all we say they are and more but it doesn’t exonerate the men either. We have our own issues. Terrible issues. The matrimonial problems in our society is major. Are some people making effort towards addressing them? Yes, are we collectively and seriously making effort to address them? No.
The problem is a general issue, it has no gender barrier. As a matter of fact, I think the women issues stem from that of men because if men do what they are supposed to do properly, there will be less problems in marriages.
This latest episode actually exposed the feminists who always shout and make it seem like it only happens to a particular gender, it has exposed their hypocrisy but it has also provided us an avenue to address these issues.
An average cheating arewa man act as if cheating is his birthright, it’s so rampant it’s sickening and disgusting. It begs the question, do some of us even know why we get married at all? I doubt. Marriage has been dumb down. If only we put half the effort we put in weddings in our marriages, our society would’ve been better off. We get married in order for us to be able to stay away from that which is forbidden to us, but it seems the reverse is the case these days.
Arewa men use the fact that Islam grant them the right to marry four wives as an excuse to cheat on their wives, until we understand that cheating on your wives isn’t the same as marrying more than one wife, then there will continue to be a problem. I believe there are proper ways to go about seeking a second, third or fourth wife in Islam, not by womanising or dating girls up and down when you have a wife at home.
As an arewa woman or any woman for that matter, you have every right to question your husband when he cheats on you, you don’t have the right to stop him from marrying another, you can’t, even if you try to, if you try to, there will be a problem, it can spiral to Maryam and Bilyamin kind of scenerio.
There should be a line between cheating and marrying another wife. And as a wife, if you know your husband is cheating and confronts him about it, and he gives you the excuse of him having the right to marry four, then take it upon yourself to make him do the right thing by making him follow the right channels, if possible, follow him to the girls house and help him ask for her hand in marriage, Get elders involved, give him conditions, he either marry her legally or you won’t accept cheating.
Yes, it’s not easily done as said but at the end of the day, put it at the back of your mind, worse come to worse, he is still going to marry her, you can’t stop it so why not be involved. It’s cheaper to bring her home anyways, if he doesn’t, he is probably spending more on her outside than he is spending on you and your kids.
Second, third or fourth wife isn’t the end of the world, like you arewa women usually say “ba a kai na zata zauna ba” there are some second, third or fourth wives doing better in their marriages than some only wives. Being an only wife doesn’t necessarily mean you will have it better than some second, third or fourth wives. Some are enjoying their marriages than some only wives.
But you know women like being lied to. If a man tells you during courtship that you are the only woman he is ever going to marry, just know that you are about to marry a pathological liar, a sincere man will never promise you that, even if he doesn’t intend to marry another, and a clever woman will never fall for that and will never box a man into promising her that too. God knows why HE said men can marry up to four wives, even with four wives, some still cheat. Even the westerners that deceived themselves that they are against polygamy are secretly polygamous because they cheat. If their laws are changed today, trust me, a lot of them will marry more than one. It’s a hypocritical law, else if people like hugh hefner the owner of playboy mansion can have Many girlfriends and even document his ways without the law catching up with him, then why outlaw the practice.
Even the stars our own slay queens try to model their lives after get cheated on. Beyoncé has been cheated on, Rihanna has been cheated on, Halle Berry has been cheated on, nicki minaj has been cheated on, it then means no matter how beautiful these stars are, they still got cheated on by their spouses, that’s because there is that polygamy in every man. They only need to legalise it for them to explore it better.
It’s common knowledge that an average arewa woman will rather her husband cheats on her with another woman than bring her home as a lawful-wife. In their little minds, as long as they are the only ones in the matrimonial home, they can put up with anything, thereby endangering their own lives by exposing themselves to sexual transmitted diseases.
The way arewa women tolerate their cheating husbands, turn the page and let it be the women cheating and it will be the beginning of World War III.
I doubt any self respectable arewa man will catch his wife cheating and spend any more minute with her. Yes, women are disadvantaged in that aspect as finding a husband as a divorcee is not really fun but if the Men can’t tolerate it, why do the women tolerate it?
Allowing your husband cheat in peace doesn’t make you clever, you are not helpless in that aspect, you just need to be smart in handling it, don’t allow your jealousy and rage take the better part of you in handling it.
I read a lot of opinion from men and women alike who believe if a woman doesn’t want disappointment, she shouldn’t temper with her husband’s phone and read his text massages, and I completely disagree with that.
I believe in marriage, the highest level of trust should be established by both parties, a marriage where there is no trust between both parties in my opinion is to some extent a sad union. You should have confidence in yourself enough that your wife can touch your phone without you having a heart attack. How many men out there can let their wives touch their phones? and then, if you can’t allow your wife go through your phone, it means you can’t go through hers either, which means there is no trust between you. Whenever I say this, people usually laugh and make it seem like I am naive in that aspect because I have never been married, but I believe you don’t need to be married to know right and wrong, it’s common sense. I pray a lot over this, even though I believe it’s something I don’t think I will ever do, I still reason with people that think I am naive and pray for Allah’s guidance. But even if I engage in it, doesn’t make it right. Wrong is wrong even if everybody is doing it and right is right even if it’s one person doing it.
Couples shouldn’t have to go through each other’s phone in a probing manner but there should be trust enough for them to touch the phone without either one of them freaking out over it.
It’s true that older generation went through a lot in their marriages without protesting but we shouldn’t expect these slay queens and young bloods to tolerate same thing as long as their protests are legit and done the right way. Although I don’t support their gra gra style of protest, I do believe the men equally need to put their acts together.
Men are the leaders of the matrimonial home while the women are the custodian of it, men will have to lead in doing the right thing before they can be able to assert authority as leaders, Islam has given women their rights in marriages, and men don’t have a choice than to give it to them, even if they don’t fight for it, we often say if there is no justice in the world, there won’t be peace, so how do we expect all to be well if we don’t treat our women right?
Arewa men need to loosen up around their spouses, they need to be romantic to some extent, Islam encourages being mild and romantic towards our spouses, Although I believe the younger generation arewa men are trying to be different in that regard, even they are equally going about it the wrong way, because most of them are doing it the western way, thereby doing it unislamic way.
The issue of marriage most especially in arewa is an issue we need to stand up to look into and address. Our women are not happy in their marriages and sadly, it’s the men that are making them unhappy. Forget about the foolish women, there are million sane and ideal women that aren’t happy in their marriages. AREWA MEN, WAKE UP AND LEAD. Unless we are trying to emulate Satan, this wasn’t how Prophet Muhammad (SAW) led his matrimonial home. The key to a happy marriage even though I believe requires the input of husband and wife, I believe the man should lead the way.