If largeness of breasts and flatness of stomach is what floats your boat, then Floxy is right up your alley. She is cutely curvaceous, knows it and takes full advantage of it. Not that she is a bimbo whose only unique selling point is her body, no. She is actually a brilliant business executive.
Just that there is something about her that makes her unapproachable, at least by young struggling guys. She is more mature, wiser and more focused than her age. She is north of 30 by the way but she has in the last two years accomplished a lot, plenty of thanks to her wily, single-minded new approach to life. Ask her why young single men are no longer part of her vision and she’d tell you she’d had enough of them to last half a lifetime. For now, she loves them married. It’s either the man is married or she would not dignify him with even a breakfast date. Does she want to be a second or third wife or a mistress for life? No, she just finds the married men’s encumbrances useful to her cause and the single men’s blatant uncreative lies unattractive.
What cause? I asked.
“Dating a young, clingy, single man won’t work for me. I can’t fit all that self-entitlement and possessiveness into my plans and schedule right now or even in the next two years. Look, a single guy will want plenty of attention. He’d sulk if I cancel a date or don’t show up on time for an outing. He’d generally assume he’s God’s gift to me and I should be grateful he’s in my life. But right now, all I want to do is do something, be something for me, myself and I. I have given enough to single men who didn’t deliver on their promises. I thought I’d be married by 25 or at worst, 30. But here I am, 35, single and dumped close to the altar three times. My last relationship almost landed me in a psychiatric ward. A single man would expect so much because he would think I expect an engagement ring but I have no such expectations now.
“Just imagine the endless annoying insinuations if I have to work late or go to a staff retreat or conference. If I buy a new car or move to a better neighbourhood, he’d complain that it’s because I want to show off or I’m dating the boss. With a married man, the complications are at least different, easier or almost non-existent. He has a wife to go back home to, so he’s not monitoring my movement. He’d buy me a new car while a boyfriend would have a dozen questions and reasons why my car should be a particular brand or why I shouldn’t have chosen a brand without consulting him. I’ve done all that and got not what I wanted. So, if the singles are withholding marriage, I am taking another route because I’m heading somewhere different. With a man who has a family, we spend only quality time together instead of being joined at the hips. He expects good sex and I expect same. No big deal. Even the ones who promise you forever and deliver nothing ask for more sex than the married guy. All I need to do is keep him interested and satisfied for a few hours per week. The affair is not heading for the altar and we both know it. I won’t get pregnant and he won’t propose.
“It’s a safe arrangement. When I’m where I want to be on my career ladder and I meet the right guy I want to settle down with, I will move on. Right now, I don’t need any man whining that I’m too career-minded or sulking because I bought the dinner instead of cooking it.”
Did you just sigh? I feel you, but that’s what our world has come to become. As my Waffi friends would say,’ these girls don tear eye.’ Some say they are realistic and they know what they want but if you ask me, it is still ‘somehow.’ Or what do you think? Single, beautiful eligible girls going after married men.
It is not totally a new phenomenon, however. It’s just that the percentage of the occurrence is worrying. Many many years ago, it was something that used to be discussed in hushed tones. But now, it is a road show in all the colours of the rainbow. Some are clear-eyed girls using married men to get ahead. Many are using men to fill in the gaps between broken romance and heartbreaks. And there are the shameless runs-girls who are just difficult to differentiate from the regular ‘olosho’ prostitute.
I’m sure you have heard a dozen stories and more about the adventures of runs-girls. They are young and old, some smart, many foolish. They want free money and they don’t care how they get it as long as they get it. Some die getting it, others become mad or terminally intractably ill getting it. You can smell them a mile away if you have the right sensory antennae for it. At the airports, they are half-clad, hoping to trap a game. Cleavages all over the place, bums threatening to break loose from tight-fitting bum-shorts.
On campuses, I hear they are a-dime-a-dozen, using what they have to see themselves through school and getting the kind of life their parents couldn’t give them.
For Benny, it’s about paying the price today so she could get the prize tomorrow. With two siblings in secondary school, a retired civil servant father and a petty trader mother, getting a first and maybe a Masters Degree aren’t up the alley of a struggling undergraduate boy.
‘I’m struggling and I won’t date a struggling guy. This is not the time to invest my emotions in men who will only use my body and throw my heart to the dogs. I need money, consistent cash flow so I won’t drop out of school and my siblings can join me next year. That is what Mark is for me. With him, I have no expectations, so he can’t disappoint me. I’m clear-eyed, clear-headed about what this is – honeymoon without a wedding. He spoils me rotten and I give him the best time he’s ever had. I don’t nag. I don’t make demands he can’t afford. He thinks I’m at his beck and call but his money is giving me peace of mind.’
What if she falls in love with Mark? “Not likely. He’s not available. He is actually devoted to his wife and children and does not pretend about it. In any case, I don’t want to be a second wife. For now, I’m having the time of my life. I have peace. Mark has rented me a nice apartment off-campus which I will leave for my brothers when they resume school. He has also got me a small car but I do not take it home so that my parents will not ask me questions that I cannot answer.”
For Laura, dating a married man has no strings attached. With a body meant for a beauty queen – flat stomach, full firm breasts and hips that will make a holy man miss his steps – Laura said she’s making the best of her looks before “one man comes to cage her in marriage.”
Feel free to gasp. I did too when she threw that line – “I have dated an eligible bachelor before but he was obsessed, possessive and he beat me too. My last boyfriend wanted non-stop sex and his sisters were mean. With my married lover, I don’t have to worry about in-laws. Only his friends know me and they wished they were in Otunba’s shoes. I don’t have to put up with snide remarks from stupid sisters of a lousy, unprotective boyfriend.
“As for sex, Otunba is too old for a marathon, sometimes I see him once a week. Sometimes we don’t see for a whole month. Yet, he keeps the cash flowing. I’ll worry about tomorrow when it comes. For now, it’s fun time.”
I bet you thought of your daughter and little sisters as you read this. You shook the thought violently out of your head when it crossed your mind that your undergraduate 20-year-old may just be one rich lousy predator’s plaything. We all should be worried. May I also remind the men who are ‘Sugar Daddies’ that their daughters are liable to become card-carrying playthings of the rich?
It’s all a sad commentary on all of us, this fun game. We are all culpable – parents, husbands, daughters, sons. We all must start to do better before everything decent gets guzzled by greed.
. Egbemode can be reached via [email protected].
