Tag: Funke Egbemode

Food For The Gods, By Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

Kudi, fine-girl-no-pimples, was one of those undergraduates who lived their lives on their own terms on campus. Kay-girl, as she was fondly called, was an ‘aristo’ girl. Small-small boys were not her thing. She liked them known and rich, politicians and business tycoons. The age or size of their bellies did not matter. They just needed to be loaded in their pockets but if they were loaded ‘downstairs’ too, ah, that was an added advantage. Once, according to Kay-girl, she had ended up with a rich, fat ‘sugar daddy’ whose…

Mature, single and lonely By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

A woman who wants sex, effective sex that delivers on all the errands it was sent, has no business marrying a man with low sex drive. A woman who wants sex 20 times a month should not be in a relationship with a man who thinks women who want sex more than once a week are nymphomaniacs. Yeah, there are men like that. They lift their wives’ wrappers either only to make babies or when the woman has asked and asked and has begun to mumble sentences like: ‘If you…

Six questions to ask yourself if you suspect he’s cheating By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

The wife, many times, is usually the last to know when her husband is having an affair. Some of us are wired to know almost immediately, though. And then when she finally knows, she may ignore it in the hope that it is a passing fancy and he would soon be back in her bosom. So, how does a girl handle a cheating husband situation? You need to ask yourself certain questions, answer them and then decide whether you are shaping in or shipping out. 1. Is he really having…

Unforgivable sins , By Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

Between couples, married couples, are there sins that can undo the ‘I do’ or do them apart long before death arrives? Can you forgive your husband anything or everything? Are there things your wife will do and you’ll spit in the air and collect it with your face? Meaning: you are ready to go for broke and break everything. Are there things a wife should not do for love no matter how sane they may sound in a moment of passion and sacrifice? Sacrifice, what are the limits of sacrifice…

The dark magic powder called love potion, by Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

Love potion. Is it real? Does it still work? Can a wife be that mean as to administer it on the man she married, the father of her children?   Love potion, if you ask me, is like magun; only those who live to tell the story know that it is still efficient.     This is a major sensitive subject. It is one that rubs many people, especially men, the wrong way. It is one of the topics that earned me a warning from one of my close friends,…

Amen Junction By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

Yes, Amen Junction. The last bus stop. The day of judgement. The evening of life, what Yoruba call ‘ojo ale’. The point of no return. The season of harvest. Whatever you call it, however you see it, every relationship is headed in the direction of the end game, where we all reap what we have sown in our youthful years, when our barns will be waiting for us, full or empty.   Let me quickly confess that the phrase or term is not original to me. I got it from…

Accidental second wives By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

Are there really women whose main and original ambition was to become second wives? I mean, are there women who never once had a goal of meeting a fine young man whose first wife they want to be? Do some women consciously set out to be second or third wives? Take a look at your young daughter, your sister, look back at your teenage years, your female teenage friends, your classmates in the university, did you actually hear any of them talking about playing second fiddles in marriage? Yet, I’m…

When men die in active service By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

Tope, my trophy wife friend, ended in hospital and in trouble. No, she’s not ill. Her husband, Otunba, was rushed to the hospital about 2.a.m a few days ago, panting and gasping. He lost consciousness on the way to the hospital but was luckily resuscitated. He, however, still ended in the intensive care unit where he spent four days with one leg on earth and the other in the land of his ancestors. It was a trying time for not just Tope but her co-wives. Oh yes, Tope is Otunba’s…

When it’s time to walk away By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

‘Forever’ and ‘till death do us part’ are not for every relationship. Some are destined to last. Many end even before they start. Others just get wobbly at some point. The going gets painful. Both parties know in their hearts of hearts that they are not going to go the whole nine yards but they continue to make the efforts anyway, patching and stitching. Sometimes, it is one of them carrying the two of them, which makes the trip more tedious until they both get to the point of no…

Bad Boys, Soft Life And Used Girls, By Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

Remember the good old days of Finance Houses in Nigeria? Our young men achieved success overnight. One minute they were marketing officers and the next, they were on management floor. Those places were real magic places. And you know how young men who come into money early run things. They simply remember their long gone ancestor, the prodigal son in the Bible. Exactly. They lived large and spent money like it was going out of fashion. The set-up of the Finance Houses didn’t help matter much either. They paid more…