Tag: Funke Egbemode

‘Babe, I swear, the condom broke…’ By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

A man ‘firing’ his mistress or girlfriend is not on a mission to reap bountiful harvests. All he wants to do is sow impressively and give a good account of himself. He loves the hunt. He loves the moans, groans and his woman’s vigorous vote of confidence after every play. But babies? Nothing like the announcement of a pregnant mistress to kill a man’s vibes. His third leg simply goes limp. The cowardly thing always recoils into a harmless shape at the sign of such trouble. One minute it’s a…

Before you agree to that abortion By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

Why do women agree to have repeated abortions for the same man or any man at all? What kind of woman is it who rationalizes why she should stay in a relationship with a man who risks her uterus and future? What kind of woman doesn’t know or refuses to admit that all the risks taken each time an abortion is carried out are borne by the woman? Why do women who have had three, four abortions for one man think there won’t be consequences down the road: blocked tubes,…

My husband has impregnated another woman By Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

‘Deji has impregnated another woman.’ Laura blurted.   ‘Oh my God.’ I shouted.   ‘Can you imagine? After all these years. After three children. This is how Deji chooses to reward me, by taking a new wife.’ Men and the pain they cause with what should ordinarily be a sugar stick.     ‘Please calm down.’ I pulled Laura close.   ‘Calm down? How can I calm down? 25 years of marriage is about to go down the drain?’ Her voice dripped pain.   ‘Still, you must stay calm so…

When a man’s manhood is threatened By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

Whether he is giving sperm or money, a man’s manhood feels rock solid only when he is the giver. All normal men are divinely wired to give. I hope you noticed the emphasis on normal men because not all men are normal. Forget the six-pack abdomen and rippling biceps, many of today’s men don’t mind being humped and getting paid for it.The Yoruba call them ,alabodo’. Kept men. Gigolos. Men for hire. Toy boys. They are all over the place, dangling their sugar sticks, hoping to net the highest bidder.…

The other abusive men By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

When we hear wife or spousal abuse, our minds prop up the image of a woman with eyes swollen shut, broken nose or arm in a sling. However, not all abuse is physical; there is also mental, emotional and financial abuse and the victims suffer as much as the ones whose husbands pound and pummel. Emotionally abusive and controlling men usually are extremely affectionate in the beginning. They pamper and spoil the woman right from the first date and then rush her to get into a committed relationship very quickly.…

For Gen-Z brides By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

I love watching the musical video of Asake’s Joha . There’s just something about it that makes me smile, cheers me up even. I still can’t place a finger on it. Maybe it’s the dance steps, the moves. But this is not a review of musical videos. It is actually about brides, today’s brides dancing as if they are auditioning for musical videos. As if it is not bad enough that they have their breasts in the faces of the wedding guests, they dance as if they are performing for…

As the GLO King turns 70 By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

He’s the son of a schoolteacher who made good. He’s the billionaire recluse who prefers not to be heard or seen so he can mind his business. He’s the Forbes-quoted businessman who has created more jobs and advanced careers than many ‘rich’ Nigerians. For all Nigerians, he’s Mr Glo, the Telecommunications game changer that birthed the per second billing regime. For Nollywood and indeed the Nigerian entertainment industry, Dr Mike Adenuga is the man who took the product endorsement deals many notches high with his Glo Ambassadors. For a man…

Intimate Affairs: Sugar daddies’ girls, by Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

If largeness of breasts and flatness of stomach is what floats your boat, then Floxy is right up your alley. She is cutely curvaceous, knows it and takes full advantage of it. Not that she is a bimbo whose only unique selling point is her body, no. She is actually a brilliant business executive.   Just that there is something about her that makes her unapproachable, at least by young struggling guys. She is more mature, wiser and more focused than her age. She is north of 30 by the…

The husband snatcher By Funke Egbemode ([email protected])

Emporium Reporters

‘Whose idea was this whole ‘husband snatcher’ theory? Who started it? I asked my friend. He’s a man, street-wise one too.   ‘Women.’ He said simply, and continued scrolling through the Whatsapp messages on his phone.   ‘Women what?’ I asked, covering the screen of his phone with my palm.   ‘Women started it, like many other theories. You people are very creative especially when it comes to intimate affairs.’ He winked and chuckled.   ‘Come on, be serious.’   ‘I am as serious as let-us-pray. Have you ever heard…

Guys, here’s my first warning for the year By Funke Egbemode

Emporium Reporters

You know, generally, women are believed to be the ones with caustic tongues. We are supposed to be the ones who have ways of talking themselves into trouble. We nag. We dare and goad men into beating us up and now turn around to call them wife batterers and even murderers. True, most of them most of the time. But men can actually be worse. They do and say what sometimes put them in early graves. They goad their women too. And when you see a nagging husband in action,…